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A matter of soul? April 21, 2009

Filed under: thoughts,writing — nadia888 @ 2:04 am
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It’s 4 in the morning here and I just can’t sleep. And I have to be up in three hours to go to college. Wonderful.

I haven’t written recently, I’m just so…lost. It’s like in the majority of time I only want time to pass quickly, quicker than it does. I feel like I’m totally empty and I have nothing to pour on paper. To be honest if only I would I could, but I’m too confused to organize my thoughts. I feel like I’m falling but I can’t see the bottom. And I’m trying to grasp on anything, but it doesn’t last enough and I find myself falling again. I’ve always wondered if it’s a feature of every kind of artistic soul to feel in the extreme, because if it is, as I think it is, I have to say that sometimes it sucks. I often think that my soul is a curse. Do you, artistic souls, ever feel like this or is it only me?

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Night Writing April 10, 2009

Filed under: poetry,thoughts,writing — nadia888 @ 8:53 pm
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Do you write in the deep of the night? I do. And in the morning I forgot I wrote something. So I usually happen to stumble across things I wrote and be surprised. Which is funny, because I surprise myself! I always feel like “Did I write this? When?” and then “Ahh, yes, I remember!”

Anyway, this is a little poem I’ve just found in the files of my computer under the name “night”, I wrote it a few nights ago.

 

 

I follow the night

Fighting

In a flood of moonlight

Owls eyes

All around

Unnatural silence

I can’t hear a sound

Intriguing shadows

In the corners of my view

Under my eyes

Purple smiles

Of sleep goodbye

The air is pure

Still I choke

Nothing is real

Still everything feels too close

My hands

White trembling spiders

In the silver light

My feet quivering

I’m swallowing darkness

How much will I hold on

Before I succumb

To my hatred soul

Wrong and right

Right and wrong

I keep wondering

But I will never know

 

Writing Therapy April 9, 2009

Filed under: thoughts,writing — nadia888 @ 3:59 pm
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I’m debating if I should begin to write a journal (not here on the blog, but just for me!), not because I have a  terrible short memory, but because sometimes life goes crazy and you feel so..well, let’s say not good, very confused. So since when I write I succeed in forgetting whatever is bugging me, I thought, in order to help myself, to write a journal. A writing therapy. Whenever I put my thoughts in words on paper I feel better, even if I’m not writing about my life, it is like the burden on my shoulders get lighter, and it helps me understand. How do you feel about it?

 

Plotting April 1, 2009

Filed under: inspiration,writing — nadia888 @ 6:55 pm
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I was thinking about a story recently, but it was just piecies and bits, nothing coherent..then the other day I was on the bus and boom! Suddenly all the pieces went together and my story was shaped! When I got home (it was very hard paying attention at university, my mind just kept exploring the possibilities) I began to plot and write write write and didn’t stop until 2 a.m. I swear to myself  I will not begin to write the story until it is clear and perfectly outlined in my head. I usually have troubles with commitment…let’s just say that I have abandoned my works more than once, only because I thought they weren’t worth reading. This time I really do want to write it till the end, and to know all its little details and secrets BEFORE I write it down.

I’m pretty proud right now, not because of the story, just because I cooked! I’m not the world greatest cook, you see, but this evening I made a wonderful dinner for my parents made of curry chicken and rice…simple (well, not that simple for me) but very good!

 

I just had to write this March 30, 2009

Filed under: inspiration,poetry,writing — nadia888 @ 1:50 am
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Sudden inspiration. I was on youtube watching random videos and I happened to see a clip of Little Ashes in which Salvador Dalì, brush in hand, is looking at Federico Garcia Lorca writing, there was something in this scene that stroke me, I don’t know what or why but I had to write about it, and even before the clip ended the poem was already in my head. I wrote it first in italian, and then did my best to translate it in english, because I just felt I had to write it in both languages.

 

I feel him

pacing

back and forth

behind me

staring at me

writing

I feel him

his gaze brushing my skin

tracing patterns of fire

looking at me

looking trough me

for my soul

The pencil ready

in the writhing hand

to catch my essence

 

I’m glad you liked it! 🙂

Since Hwalk asked, I’ll post the original version in italian too:

 

 

 

Lo sento

dietro di me

osservarmi

mentre scrivo

Lo sento

camminare inquieto

alle mie spalle

Lo sento

la mia pelle brucia

dove l’intensità del suo sguardo

la sfiora

l’ attraversa

in cerca della mia anima

La matita pronta

nella mano fremente

per cogliere la mia essenza

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inspiration March 28, 2009

Filed under: book advice,inspiration,thoughts,writing — nadia888 @ 1:28 pm
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I’m sleepy…last night I read City of Glass until 4, but I had to know how it ended! I have to say that I’m usually disappointed by the last book of a series, for perhaps the first time I am not. So if you like the fantasy genre I suggest you The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare, it is very well written and the story is amazing, especially the last book which is perfect.

Of course when I closed the book I didn’t sleep and my brain began to buzz as usual, what kept me awake this time was Inspiration, its meaning and behavior. Have you ever thought a plot, a story for a book and then decided not to write it? I have, more than once. What surprised me is that I saw that someone else, after a couple of years, had published the story I was thinking about and abandoned (of course not exaclty, just the basic idea). So now I’m wondering, inspiration strikes at the weirdest times and I often don’t remember what I was doing or what exaclty inspired me when a story comes to my head. Are the stories already there waiting for being discovered? So that if you abandoned them, they’ll look for someone else who will tell them to the world? I’ve always felt that planning a plot is like putting together the pieces of a puzzle, but what if it is like baring the puzzle piece by piece?

As usual I’m not sure this makes sense, just another errant sleepy thought.

 

Shut up March 27, 2009

Filed under: poetry,writing — nadia888 @ 4:58 pm
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I was digging in my computer files yesterday and among old stuff I wrote last year I found another little thing in english, it’s a poem…let’s just say that I was in a romeo&juliet time, that explains the various “dost” and “thee”. Hihi. I’m not used to show what I write so I’m still nervous and keep thinking that someone will ask “what are you doing here? the exit is that way!”. Anyway, I’m bubbling, so here it is:

 

 

Shut up

cruel heart

leave me alone

why dost thee make my soul

cry, your lead presence

makes me die

I beg you

oppressing thought

free my mind

for I suffer

I let myself suffer

I let myself feel

the hope I don’t deserve

I knew

where I was walking towards

and now

my heart’s screaming in pain

I wish I were deaf

I loath

how did I let this happen?

I knew, I knew, I knew

when I first felt

my heart sinking

I knew

I could have fought more

and more

and more

but I surrender

to such a tender thing

Tyrranous love

take thy dagger

and stop my agony

because your dark eyes

so cold to me

make mine

weep and dissolve yours

with tears

for I see you

my soul burns

freezes

looks for a way to escape

for I can’t forget your name.